Excerpt from “Play-by-Play of Classic Sports Rivalries If the Team Names Actually Represented the Combatants. And Also, Instead of Playing the Sport, They’re Fighting to the Death”

Giants vs. Dodgers

“It’s a classic David vs. Goliath matchup as an old-fashioned trolley-dodger from turn-of-the-century Brooklyn takes on—this match is over!”

Browns vs. Steelers

“Now what are we looking at here?”

“I couldn’t tell you.”

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