I am thankful for so many things in my life. I have a wonderful wife, a nice house, a job that pays well, a not-too-weird family, interesting friends, and most of my hit points. I’m also thankful for spam, at least in moderation…of which it has none. Spam always says, “Someone’s interested in you…and a few million other people.” It’s almost life-affirming. But what I’m most thankful for is that it gives me a chance to fill up an entry with random spam subject lines, trying to determine if Spam really knows me at all.

Some recent spam subject lines:

Are you ready to meet someone new this week?

I’m not good about meeting new people. Does it have to be this week?

guerrilla splendidly

I’ve never heard “guerrilla” used as a verb, but I shall endeavor to do so.

Hungry? Participate now for a gift card to redeem at your favorite fast food restaurant.

Mmmmm…Bandido’s. Not exactly fast food, though.

Free trip to Las Vegas “what happens here, stays here!

I’m trying to decide if this is an interesting commentary on the nature of space and time, or perhaps how we perceive history.

What are you doing tonight?

Packing for Thanksgiving, paying a few bills, watching some TV, trying to take over the world.

Be thornton so bankrupt

Sounds like being Thornton would be a bad thing.

You can save few hundreds every month Demetrius

Demetrius…not my name, but a cool name. I think you need to talk to Thornton, though.

I’ve got $

Good. Talk to Thornton.

Re: How are you doing

I’m fine, just fine. Thanks for asking.

hoeef just best price$ for top qulity meds fbav

What?

The best part of that spam is that I can buy CZZIALYS!

Sweet

Yep. Sweet.

Be hard as a rock, and bigger too

Bigger than a rock? What size is a rock supposed to be?

Hibachi what leather

The poor person who sent this is named Derek Necropsy. That doesn’t sound good.

Revolution in mens technology

Finally, a true universal remote.

Increase your mental powers & abilities..

I definitely need to do this. I would be more likely to if it wasn’t for the double period.

Prominent Andrew Sullivan accepting

Not every day you get a former editor for The New Republic in your spam.

Want to be a hero in a bed? 8

A hero? Without ever actually needing to get out of bed? It truly is a revolution in mens technology!

rock rpg

Why yes, I do “rock the RPG.”

***SPAM*** re: Happy thanksgiving holiday

And Happy Thanksgiving to you as well, Spam.