The Phantom City

It’s Burgundy and Gold…never mind. Somebody wake me up when preseason starts.

Link courtesy of Mr. Irrelevant.

Gerald Henderson moves on:

The Duke sophomore guard said he has moved on in the 11 months since 21,750 Tar Heels basketball fans and millions watching on television saw him break North Carolina star Tyler Hansbrough’s nose trying to block a shot at the end of UNC’s 86-72 victory.

In other news, I’ve moved on after my experiments as a child sent dozens of ants to their deaths in the jaws of hungry ant lions, Bobby Knight has moved on from slapping a police officer, and Microsoft has moved on from trying to crush all competition.

The two players had played against each other in AAU tournaments but didn’t really know each other before that call. When Henderson apologized, Hansbrough was “pretty cool about it” and told Henderson he knew he wasn’t trying to hurt him.

Oh, wait, that’s right. It’s usually the victim who “moves on,” not the perpetrator. Hmm, funny that.

Yes!!!! They were probably my two favorite Redskins players, and Art Monk had been languishing on the eligibility list for years due to a bias against wide receivers in the Hall of Fame. (Count them.) Darrell Green made it in his first year, a testament to how much he was respected when he played. I remember one of the best jobs in the NFL for a long time was playing the opposite cornerback position from Green, because you knew they weren’t going to throw over there. On the other hand, lining up against Monk was a miserable job, because you already knew he’d get the ball almost every third down, and yet you couldn’t do much about it.

I’m thinking it’s time for me to throw my hat in the ring as the Redskins’ next head coach. After all, I coached as many games as former candidate Jim Fassel this season.

Seriously, somewhere in the background I hope Dan Snyder is sending Bill Cowher a small slip of paper every day with an ever-increasing number on it.

…turns out to be just as boring as regular baseball. The list from the Mitchell Report, as reported by Deadspin, provoked an immediate reaction from me: I thought steroids were supposed to make you better at sports? It’s like someone took a vertical cross-section of baseball players from the Steroids Era based on talent.

That being said, the Balco list looks more interesting. Apparently you had a much better chance of success with Balco products.

Jamaal Tinsley — point guard for the Indiana Pacers and apparently a bad person to party with — and his entourage were shot at after leaving a club around 3:30 AM, possibly with a .223 assault rifle. ESPN paraphrases Pacers’ coach Jim O’Brien with “Tinsley made an error in judgment by being out so late.”

Wow, so the real problem is that after around 3 AM, the streets of downtown Indianapolis are crawling with gunmen looking for cars to shoot? He would have been fine if he went home earlier? Dang, now I’m really glad we didn’t move there.

In other sports news, ex-Falcons QB Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in jail for dogfighting. According to the AP, Falcons owner Arthur Blank called the sentencing “another step in his legal journey.” I guess the next step is finding a prison girlfriend? Or maybe it’ll be like My Name is Earl, and he’ll solve prison problems while getting certificates for time off?

Coincidentally — maybe — today’s featured article on Wikipedia (en.wikipedia.org, at least) is the Brown Dog affair.

Too much pedestal, not enough dog.

Last Sunday’s games weren’t great for anyone in our league, but no one was able to accomplish what mine did: 51 points. Still in seventh place, oddly enough.

QB Ben Roethlisberger: One touchdown, which put him in the top spot for points scored. Yay for ball control.

WR Wes Welker: 19 yards against the surprising Browns defense.

WR Calvin Johnson: 3 yards against the surprising Redskins defense. It’s a theme!

WR Marques Colston: Had the best day of all: 31 yards. Wow.

RB Kevin Jones: Not a bad day for a guy who’s barely been able to play this season. I don’t know how the Lions are using him, but I like the running/receiving combination.

RB Frank Gore: Probably should have listened to my inner voice that says, “Don’t start anyone who’s playing against the Ravens.”

TE Dallas Clark: Another touchdown! What’s the record for tight ends?

K Jason Elam: He provided the only points against San Diego. Unfortunately, Denver didn’t score many points against SD.

DEF Carolina: Decent interception numbers. Playing against QB Drew Brees has its advantages.

Points Scored: 51.

Points Left on the Bench: 25. No one was having a good day. Bench has scored 216 points so far.

Big Changes: Goodbye, Drew Brees. Picked up David Garrard to replace him. Not a lot of scoring, but few mistakes. Dropped RB Thomas Jones for TE Chris Cooley (with a brief flirtation with QB Kurt Warner) due to a bye week for Dallas Clark.

Benched No More: Almost not worth talking about. I have so many players on their bye week everyone who isn’t on a bye is starting.

Watching: Kurt Warner, now that he’s starting, but he has a tough schedule coming up.

On TV tonight: Right now, It’s LSU vs. Kentucky in overtime. The CBS color commentator (Gary Danielson?) has apparently converted to a religion centered on LSU coach Les Miles. The best line, after a disputed touchdown call for Kentucky? “Read Les Miles’ lips! He says they didn’t get in!”

The team did better last Sunday, but stayed stuck in 7th place in the league. Unexpectedly good games from some players, however.

QB Ben Roethlisberger: Two TDs, two INTs. Too bad about the INTs, but that’s about the production I would expect from a Steelers QB. Drew Brees, on the other hand, had a much better week than usual. He had a bye.

WR Wes Welker: Wish Tom Brady wasn’t in love with Randy Moss.

WR Bernard Berrian: Looks like Brian Griese produces about the same result as Rex Grossman.

WR Drew Bennett: I know…Rams. My other two wide receiver options were out.

RB Adrian Peterson: Why feel the need to start Chester Taylor, Vikings? The only problem with AP is that he plays for Minnesota, which is allergic to scoring.

RB Willis McGahee: Logical play against the Browns, but Cleveland kicked Baltimore’s butt. Good.

TE Dallas Clark: He is the reason fantasy football teams have a tight end position. Leading the Colts in receiving. Saving my team each week.

K Jason Elam: Good game against Indy. Denver doesn’t have much other offense.

DEF Carolina: Not looking good against Tampa Bay. Nobody looked good against Tampa Bay.

Points Scored: 86.

Points Left on the Bench: 23. Bye week and injuries hurt the bench scoring. 191 points so far.

Big Changes: The Rams’ offensive woes might last all season. Dropped RB Brian Leonard and Drew Bennett. Brought back RB Thomas Jones and added WR Hines Ward. Both are pretty fragile this season. but have potential.

Benched No More: A lot of changes due to bye weeks and injuries. WR Calvin Johnson is back from his back injury, and WR Marques Colston is back as well. RB Frank Gore is playing against an overrated Baltimore defense, and RB Kevin Jones is in due to his success around the goal line. (That, and AP is out this week.)

Watching: Almost any QB besides Drew Brees, but I’m giving him another week at least. Matt Schaub, David Garrard, and Joey Harrington…WHAT?!?…are all good options.

On TV tonight: Stuff on our DVR, because it’s rapidly failing. You won’t be at our house, thought, so I’d suggest LSU/Florida. The Tebow will be playing The Number One Team in the Land.

Even later on this report. Maybe I should just accept the inevitable.

Tried to adjust my starting lineup based on opponents. Not smart.

QB Drew Brees: 4 INTs, 1 fumble. Are you kidding? He’s going to find out he’s colorblind before the end of the season.

WR Marques Colston: If it’s completed, it’s completed to Colston.

WR Calvin Johnson: 58 yards, and then a back injury. Hopefully he’ll still be ready to go this week.

WR Wes Welker: Even just a little bit of Tom Brady passing is enough to lead my receivers.

RB Adrian Peterson: The rock of my team. And yeah, he’s on the Vikings, which means Brad Childress will bench him soon because he hates success.

RB Derrick Ward: I started him, even though he was playing against Washington. That means I cursed Washington. Dang it.

TE Dallas Clark: I can deal with a touchdown per game.

K Jason Elam: No field goals. Jacksonville traded offenses with Denver.

DEF Carolina: How do you not get interceptions out of Joey Harrington?

Points Scored: 68. Dropped to seventh.

Points Left on the Bench: 38. Well, not much help there. 168 points this season.

Big Changes: Dropped Derrick Ward for RB Brian Leonard. Ward’s carries will drop now that the Giants are getting healthier. On the other hand, this is Leonard’s first real chance to show what he can do.

Benched No More: QB Ben Roethlisberger. Brees needs to sit for a while. WR Bernard Berrian comes in for Colston’s bye week, but hopefully QB Brian Griese can be more consistent. And perhaps RB Willis McGahee this week against Cleveland.

Watching: QB Matt Schaub, because Brees is having some problems. However, Schaub’s line and wide receivers are all injured.

On TV tonight: Football, of course. Day filled with upsets.

Running a bit late on this week’s update, but at least I get to watch Syracuse embarrass Louisville while I’m at it. (31-14 Syracuse, right now. Their road uniforms look a lot less like they made them themselves. Here’s their home uniform from the Washington game.)

I made a few adjustments to the starting lineup last week. Paid off a bit.

QB Ben Roethlisberger: Seriously, I had to start him. He was going up against the Bills. However, the Steelers’ run-oriented offense is a problem for starting him all year.

WR Marques Colston: The New Orleans offense is still terrible, but Colston got one of the touchdowns.

WR Calvin Johnson: What’s the record for touchdowns for a rookie?

WR Bernard Berrian: Seriously? KC stopped him? The best wide receiver on a team with Rex Grossman is only as good as Rex Grossman.

RB Frank Gore: His mom died last week, and he played and played well. Tough man.

RB Adrian Peterson: Got held to 66 yards rushing by Detroit, but also had 50+ yards receiving. I’m going to call him Roger Craig.

TE Dallas Clark: Peyton’s finally figuring out how awesome Clark can be. Or maybe it’s just the fact everyone runs Cover Two now, so the tight end is always open.

K Jason Elam: Denver fans must be frustrated about their problems punching the ball into the endzone. I’m loving it.

DEF Carolina: As a Panthers fan, I just have to say “Ouch.”

Points Scored: 97. Oddly enough, still only good enough to move into sixth place in a nine-team league. One team scored 160. (Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson.)

Points Left on the Bench: 62. Not bad. My starters definitely outperformed my bench this week. 130 points so far.

Big Changes: Not much. Dropped RB Thomas Jones for RB Kevin Jones. Kevin’s been a fixture on my fantasy football teams the last few years, and he’s back from injury.

Benched No More: No permanent changes, probably, but an experiment. Let’s see how RB Derrick Ward does against the Redskins. (As a Skins fan as well, I hope he does well and no one else does.) WR Wes Welker should get his share of catches in the Patriot offense, and I’m hoping QB Drew Brees has a breakthrough game this week.

Watching: WR Jacoby Jones, still. Andre Johnson’s injury means a starting spot, but what can he do with it? QB Matt Schaub, because he’s steadily getting better.

On TV tonight: (I’ve watched too much PTI.) The Great Dictator (1940), on TCM at 8 PM. Great movie, and surprisingly touching, like most Chaplin films.

Wow, 38-21 Syracuse in the fourth quarter. Ha ha.