Supposedly these are questions asked in the Church of Scientology while people are hooked up to the E-meter. (However, the questions were pulled from the first issue of Radar, so who knows where they came from.) I shall endeavor to answer them, even though I am not currently in possession of an E-meter:
1. Have you ever enslaved a population? Well, no, but if this is to be part of later performance evaluations, I’ll need a measurable. How large a population?
2. Have you ever debased a nation’s currency? I ripped a dollar to make a point one time. Then I taped it back together, but it wouldn’t work in the vending machine.
3. Have you ever killed the wrong person? I haven’t had occasion to choose between people to kill.
4. Have you ever torn out someone’s tongue? They’re slippery, so no. This fellow did it to a leopard, though.
5. Have you ever been a professional critic? Enthusiastic amateur.
6. Have you ever wiped out a family? I don’t think I did it, but I’ve met some families where it would be hard to tell.
7. Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? Only by example.
8. Have you consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion? Uh, no, I don’t think so. Of course, the questioner could be going off a different list.
9. Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive? Only in my imagination, when I was a kid.
10. Have you ever made love to a dead body? No. If that’s not covered by question 8, I don’t even want to know what the list includes.
11. Have you ever engaged in piracy? ARRRRR!
12. Have you ever been a pimp? No, but I’ve always been envious of the tall-soled shoes.
13. Have you ever eaten a human body? That would have to be a really small body. I’m not the best at cleaning my plate.
14. Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing? Only in misguided attempts to make it more beautiful.
15. Have you ever exterminated a species? Maybe. A rare spider species, perhaps.
16. Have you ever been a professional executioner? Enthusiastic amateur…of spiders in the house.
17. Have you ever given robots a bad name? I usually have the opposite problem. I know they’re talking about me behind my back, whispering…
18. Have you ever set a booby trap? Yep, also elementary school. Kid was stealing my pencils.
19. Have you ever failed to rescue your leader? No, because I’ve usually put them in that situation, so it’s easier for me to get them back out.
Credit for the meme goes to Will Pfeifer of X-Ray Spex, who does a better job answering than I ever could. 🙂