I get around 200 spam emails each day, most helpfully tagged as such by Yahoo and Gmail’s filters. What struck me today is just how mundane spam makes my life sound. Sample subject lines, with commentary:

This Samsung 42 inch HDTV is on us..

That does sound painful. And it’s a good reminder that in only two to three years HDTVs might be cheap enough I’d actually buy one.

Neod doctor!

Probably connected to the first one.

Direct Movies like Hitchcock: Save on PowerDirector Premium!

Yes, there was a time when I felt I would go on and do something creative for a career. Thanks, Spam, for reminding me. At least now I can direct movies like Hitchcock, rather than my current mission of slowly assuming his physical shape.

Webcam?? I just got on… where did u go?

I honestly can’t remember if I even know anyone with a webcam. Kind of creeps me out, actually.

rethought practical joke

Yes, I often do rethink my jokes. Usually they’re much better an hour after I already told them.

huge ax

I do nothing that would require an ax.

Cute sisters, shy and 19, see our pics

If they’re shy, I don’t really know what we’d talk about. (Also, why invite me to see their pics?)

adult video on demand. watch what you are into that day. no memberships

Most people just call that Internet Access.

Someone Wants To Date You

I’m married now, so I know someone wants to date me, but honestly that wasn’t usually the case before I got married.

Single Christians in Your Area Are Looking For You

That might explain why they come through my neighborhood knocking on all the doors.

You have feelings of guilt and embarrassment…

Spam, how do you know me so well?!?

Your health, milori blue

Yes, that would be a really cool name. “To your health , Milori Blue!”

And yes, taking advantage of spam subject lines for a post does qualify this as “shooting fish in a barrel.” At least, if shooting fish in a barrel is a real metaphor, and not just something that popped into my head.