Time to check in with Spam and see if it knows me any better since Thanksgiving. Some recent spam subject lines:

Save big in 2007 with Top quality replica Watches

Well, I have been thinking about a new watch. Probably not a Rolex, though.

Free Smokes!!!!

Free!!!! Cool!!!! I’ll take…wait a minute…I don’t smoke.

You should see what we’re doing on our cams

Playing bridge? Well, that was a surprise.

Was Britney better before Paris?

How long before? Because there was a whole period with K-Fed….

ATTENTION: FREE Nintendo Wii : Need confirmation ASAP

I have been wanting a Wii.

Need some help?

Don’t we all?

Paa ying too much? weej

Weee lll, no ttt re eea lllyyy. mehh

Get a scholarship! Register Now!

And I have been thinking about going back to school, so that would be nice.

2007, i want to be leaner

Yes, I have been exercising more this year.

All you can eat and drink!!!

That seems counter to the previous suggestion, but is also a good thing.

Get the funds you need in 1 hour

And the money I need as well? Spam’s really taking care of me.

Feel poor?

Sometimes, but it passes.

Re: my vengeanc

Hmmm, that doesn’t sound good. Hopefully Spam doesn’t know where I live.

Meet women online

It’s why the Internet was invented, and then immediately flooded by lonely men.

Massive gains in your pants

Wow, that sounds terrible.

I exist

Spam achieves consciousness. It’s a momentous occasion.

Hows it hanging

I never know how to answer that….

They speak, for your sacrifices of adultery

Geez, Spam, are you trying to get me killed?

Re: my gropingl

Stop that!

Olmstead One-Eye Apple Tutwiler Whipsnade

At last, a name for our first child.

Ungar Airan Flammarion McGruder Severinus

And the second.

Thank you

No, thank you.

Slightly better track record this time, at least as far as basic human needs. (Food, money, watch, names, video games….) I’m disturbed by the vengeful behavior, particularly since it achieved consciousness. Could Spam be truly evil? Will it be the subject of a Sci Fi Channel original movie? Wait, groping, accusations…Lifetime movie.