Watching nature shows as a kid, one of the things I found most interesting is that apparently every form of life in Australia is dangerous. Sharks, snakes, spiders…even koalas, with their deceptively cute looks and long claws…everything moving can kill you. (Well, except for Michael “Aussie” Southam from ESPN’s Madden Nation. Then again, he could just be lulling his prey into a false sense of security.) My Australian doctor has a poster of the alphabet made up of her native land’s animals; I like to think of it as My First Deadly Alphabet.

India should have had the same reputation with me. After all, there are cobras, tigers, and crocodiles. However, I never thought of it as particularly scary until I read these stories:

First, the deputy mayor of Delhi has been killed by monkeys. Roving packs of wild rhesus monkeys have become more dangerous over time due to their adaptation to the urban environment. The solution? Release “larger, more ferocious langur monkeys” to go after the smaller monkeys. I foresee absolutely no problems there.

Second, a news service is carrying the story of a tree in southern India that eats cows. I’m not saying it exists. I’m just saying you can’t trust the trees either.

So, to recap, if you try to get away from the cobras, tigers, and crocodiles, and you get near a tree, it might try to eat you. If you stay in an urban environment, you are easy prey for roving packs of monkeys being chased by larger roving packs of larger monkeys. Yep, India is now my new Australia.

Links courtesy of Boing Boing, which has some of the best news ever.